Do we lose our imagination?

We have been trained to think so logically and with purpose that I think sometimes we are beating the creativity out of our kids. I come from a discipline of rigor and logic, and I know they are very important. Logic is the key to many opportunities, and yet, the truly successful know that logic and creativity go hand in hand. Take Pixar for example. A highly engineered technology drives a highly creative story. Or is it the other way around? I think the brilliant thing is is we are not sure which come first. As John Lasseter says about the process, "The art challenges the technology, and the technology inspires the art." How can I get my kids to see past the rigor and procedure of the math they are learning to something more creative? I fear that if I don't learn to do this, I will either completely turn them off of math, or teach them to see a world that is black and white.

Also, I am sad. I hope I can look back on this and laugh at the silliness of the reason soon.

The Archer

A long time ago an archer finally took the arrow out of the target that he had placed years before. The target was no longer suitable for him, and he painfully ripped the point out of the bulls-eye. This broke his heart, so he decided not to shoot any more arrows. Time passed, and his arrows rusted. This did not bother him. He was happy. He was content with himself because he discovered other parts of the forest that were beautiful. However, the man is an archer, and cannot go forever without finding a target and aiming for it. He decides to try again and, finding his skill and arrows rusty, he is discouraged. This is a new forest, and one he is not used to. He decides to purchase a full set of bows for his quiver. Hopefully one of them will hit its target. He doesn't know if it will work, but he hopes its target is one that will make the bowman complete. It fills the archer with hope, and makes him feel more vulnerable at the same time. Not used to sending his arrows out, he has grown complacent with keeping his arrows safe, watching his targets move past. The rejection of missing a target bothers him more than it should, but he knows the target was not meant for him. Now the time has come to send some more and see if they find the target he was meant for.

For Joe

Hi Joe!
I think that is really cool of you to consider this! I knew I wanted to be a teacher since high school. It is the best thing in my life (besides my loved-ones). I get to wake up everyday and be excited to go to work. Seriously. Yes, there are days that I am tired, cranky, and the kids are little craptards. But one the whole, it is so great just to be around kids all day. I love teaching, and I love the joy of seeing them discover something, but I like the kids just for being kids. They are funny and stupid and immature, but they are practicing what it is like to be adults, and to be mature. It is amazing to watch.

I teach a mix of math classes. I teach geometry, which is pretty much in the middle, I teach an engineering class, which has very driven, smart kids, and I teach the lowest level algebra we offer. These are the kids who go home to an alcoholic mother and a father who is in prison. These are the kids who show up because they will go to jail if they miss another day. These are the kids who plan to drop out as soon as they can so they can live on welfare. From day to day, they are obviously the toughest class to reach and teach. But in the long run, it is the most rewarding class to teach. You can't measure successes in them learning the quadratic formula, you measure successes in them turning in an assignment complete, or them choosing not to retaliate when someone makes them mad. If you are ever in this situation, don't expect to reach every student. You will get discouraged if you let every failure get to you. Instead think how you can make it better for another student. It isn't like Mr. Holland's Opus. Sorry, it isn't. BUT, you can have moments when they make progress and it makes all the effort worth it. Some of this may sound cheesy, but this is how I really feel. I really do love teaching, and I get a tremendous amount of fulfillment out of it.
That being said, to answer your specific questions:

1) I can only speak for Indiana, and math in particular, but I know English has End of Course Assessments (ECA). They are standardized tests that assess english standards put forth by the state. This gives you a fair deal to teach them. However, this does not take up all of the curriculum, so you will have leeway to teach some things you want, and if you are creative, some really cool ways to teach it as well. Even the things you have to teach you can put your own flair on and teach it the way you want. Just don't think you're going to walk in the classroom with your sports coat and your jeans and your messed up hair and teach them whatever the hell you want. If you tell your kids to rip their textbooks in an act of creative rebellion a la Dead Poets Society, you will be fired. You are not Robin Williams, so be reasonable. As long as you teach them what they need (according to the state), you can teach them what they need (according to life).

2) Obviously there is more freedom at the college level, but I can't speak on this.

3) I work with a great group of people who really care about kids and who really have their best interests at heart. We laugh everyday at lunch. We collaborate on things. I also know people at the school who are dispassionate because of the grind of school, but I don't think they EVER really had what it takes to teach. For me personally, I am generally at a better mood at the end of the day then at the start of the day. But even if you are having a bad day, think of the privilege it is to show your kids joy and happiness, when THEY are the ones having a bad day, or are joyless.

4) I won't lie and say it is worth it every single day. I have days when I'm like "Wow, we got shit accomplished today." But the next they is usually pretty awesome after those days. Depending on how you measure success. You measure success on a lesson, a concept, a whole unit. But mainly you should measure success on your kids' love of life. Have you read the mission statement of a school? I have. Dozens of them. Not ONE of them says anything about passing the end-of-year exam, or getting a high score on the SAT, or even getting into a good college. They talk about being a life-long learner, a good person, and someone who loves life. I don't even know how you measure this, but I know I can make a difference with this in my kids' lives. That makes it worth it.

5) Joe, if you love kids, you will be a good teacher. If you love them when they are excited about learning, and when they are apathetic, when they are immature, and cranky, when they just broke up with their boyfriend and are bitchy, when they don't want to do what you want, and when they are sad, then you will be a good be a good teacher. It doesn't matter what subject you teach. Math was my worst subject in high school, but I chose to teach it because I knew I loved teaching, and the subject didn't matter, so I might as well pick one that people have a tough time liking anyway. You are a very social person, and doggone it, people like you. If you can bring that into the classroom, you will be good at what you do.

Also, about pay. Teachers do not get payed a lot compared to many professions with the same education. There are other blessings in the job that more than make up for any monetary shortcomings. If you value material possessions enough to not want to teach, then don't teach. I will say that teaching for a year and a half, I have never wanted something I couldn't afford, and I am paying off a car and schooling, plus living on my own in a new city.

I also know several teachers who hated it. They couldn't deal with the kids, or the staff, or the whole system. It's not for everyone. There are frustrations. But for me it is, for what it's worth. I thank God everyday I get to do this. If you try it and hate it, you do have an education that can take you other paces, and that should be a good feeling!

Plus all the school lunches you can eat!

Prayer Log

I am not good at praying out loud. For all of the beautiful and poignant prayers I have been exposed to in church, it has not prepared me for the casual personal prayers encountered in the prayer group at school. I don't necessarily view this as a bad thing that I am not strong at praying casually, as I don't know we should treat God as "Papa God" as I have heard in some prayer groups. He is the one who made the universe, he is the one who brought the Israelites out of bondage. He destroyed the earth in a flood. He concurred Satan and death on the cross. This is not the type of person I want to high five. This is a God I am afraid to look up to. This is a God that I love because He first loved me. So when I pray out loud, it is usually from an old church prayer or hymn, or one of Luther's prayers. This I feel captures the reverence that is appropriate for my Heavenly Father.
Still, this leaves me wanting a more personal approach when speaking out loud in group. I have personal talks with God in my head, but I am uncomfortable speaking out loud with people. I'd like to try to get better at this while not sacrificing reverence.

How Schools Stifle Creativity

This video has been out for a while, but I recently Stumbled across it.

Sir Ken Robinson is a creativity expert(there is such a thing?) who has a special interest in education and the way schools educate children. Although a lot of the things he says are vague and not practical for all students, he does raise some interesting questions. Why have our kids lost the ability to be creative? I have seen it countless ways. Ask a small child to draw a flower, and he or she will use colors not imagined before. The child will give it a purple stem with yellow and blue polka dot petals. Maybe it will have a face in the center, maybe it will be able to move and talk like people. Ask that same child to draw a flower years later, and he or she will draw a red flower with a green stem. We have gotten our creativity conditioned out of us. Many of us, including me, are hesitant to try new things because we might look silly, or we might fail. As a person who is in a "hard science," I have the desire to increase creativity through open-ended investigation. At the same time, I am pressured from several areas to provide simply the rigor and procedure of the subject. I think math is very important, and I think it has one of the most important roles in human intelligence and achievement. However, is the way I teach it the best way for students to learn. Just because it is a rigorous subject does not mean it must be taught like this 100% of the time. There must be practice, persistence, and diligence when it comes to learning the procedures, but how can I go deeper than this to explore some more concepts? How can I use what is learned to have them create their own applications? This is something I will always struggle with. But the video has taught me to view some students differently. I have many kids who have ADHD. My solution has just been to tell them to sit down more, and give them some more time to settle down. I tried to use more bodily kinesthetic activities, and I got varied results. I was hoping to magically unlock a door where they were actively learning, and instead it turned into a mess. So sometimes even with structure, some kids actively try not to learn. I think the problem is that it is not as simple as I, or Dr. Robinson, or anyone would like to paint it. I will always have kids that have trouble paying attention for various reasons. I think my job is to simply help them see a world that has yet to be, and help them make something of it.

There and Gone

Another play has come and gone. My first brush with Shakespeare has been met with some degree of success. I got to create a character and live in him. I met some wonderful people. I learned about myself, and I learned more about theatre. Now it is all gone. My script is recycled. My Mecutio only lives in the photographs and video taken (that do not really capture the life of the play). Most of the people I met I will rarely talk to again, and I will see them even less. Less than 24 hours after the last performance, even my costume is washed and sorted with the other hundreds of clothing items, lost in a sea of anonymous fabric, one day to be consorted with another character, whose future wearer will have no idea the life it once held on stage.
So what can I take from this? So many things in life are wonderful, thrilling, and brief. I have the memories of the people I have met and being a part of something pretty remarkable on stage. I have gained a new love of Shakespeare, and the knowledge and joy that comes from this is immeasurable. A few of the people I have met I'm sure I will keep in touch with. Perhaps the experience itself can teach me something. I was a part of something special, and now it's gone forever. But that is life. There are so many wonderful things in life that are so transient, and I take them for granted. As I grow older, I realize my friends have changed dramatically. I did not know many of the people I hang out with the most a year ago. Who knows how long they will be a part of my life. As my friends continue to move, get jobs, and start their lives, I know our relationships will change. I know the next step is to start a family, and while this is exciting, I can't help but know this will further change the people around me, and, some people will stop being a part of my life. I cannot take any of them for granted. Each relationship has taught me something. Some people have made me more reflective, some have made me laugh, some have made me more cautious with my heart. All have brought be joy at one time, and a few have brought me sorrow. It's time to move on. It's time to recycle some parts of my life. It's time to remember fondly the times I had, and know they have shaped me. It's time to put some relationships away, and know they will will have a new life with others.
The transient nature of theatre has taught me to cherish the moments I have, even if they are brief. Even for a moment, I can show someone kindness. For a moment, I can laugh with someone. For a moment I can make someone feel loved. I am reminded of this as this brief moment on stage flutters away like a whisper in the wind. I love these moments. This is why I do theatre.

Where Did My Life Go?

Seriously. I had some friends over last night to see the play. They spent the night and we ended up watching a movie when we got back. I realized then that I haven't turned on the TV for several weeks before that. I suppose that is good, but I don't feel like I have accomplish a lot either. I am in a Shakespearean play, which I have wanted to do for a while, and I have been busy with school, but it seems like I have not had time to myself. Then I started thinking about where I am in life. As I interact with the high schoolers in the play with me, I can't help but envy them. Some are preparing for the SAT ad ACT, some are narrowing down choices for college, and some are just starting to think about what to do after graduation. They can literally do anything. I realize I have missed my quarter-life crisis by a few years, but I do ponder if this is what I wanted for myself at this time in my life. I am very blessed to life a relatively laid back and stress free life. I credit this to my utter lack of expectation. A little more than a year ago, I had no idea I would be living in Fort Wayne, Indiana. If I were completely honest, I don't know where I will be a year from now. I have really enjoyed the past few years. With a couple of exceptions, my friends are very different from the ones I had two years ago. I am blessed to have a job I like, hobbies that keep me occupied, and friends to be with. I wonder sometimes if these are merely distractions to keep me content until I find what I really want. The problem is I really don't know what I want. A relationship would be nice, but I don't feel a real rush to get in one. I have been single for a couple of years now, but it still feels like I need to learn more about myself before I pursue someone. At the same time, I am surrounded by people who already had kids by the time they were my age. Most of my coworkers got married relatively young, and many of my friends are getting engaged. The thing is, it is very hard to meet new people, or at least spend enough time with someone to determine if you like them. It seems the only way to get to know someone is to ask someone on a date, which I abhor. I would like to meet people, and get to know people as organically as any other relationship, without ay pretense, which is hard. But I need to get on with life, because I missed my quarter life crisis, and I have work to do.

Zwounds!

So it has been my good fortune to develop laryngitis THE DAY WE OPEN ROMEO AND JULIET. It is terrible. I have 4 performances this weekend. Harvey Fierstein had a bigger range than I did last night. It was like running a 5k with shackles on your feet and dragging a bowling ball behind them. I gave the performance as best I could. It is not a good feeling knowing something is wrong with you. It is a worse feeling knowing the audience knows that there is something wrong with you. I have three more performances this weekend, and I am not looking forward to any of them. If I had known this was going to happen, I would not have auditioned back in May. But, such is life. The show must show on. [insert another pithy cliche here].

How making penis jokes gave me an appreciation for Shakespeare

Last May I tried out for Romeo and Juliet at a community theater. I didn't really want to try out, as I do not love Shakespeare, but the director asked me to. I ended up with the role of Mercutio (after a little controversy) and later that summer I started doing text work for the role. It was extremely difficult. Granted, I was traveling a lot that summer and did not really have much time to sit down with it until rehearsals started. As I stumbled through the script I thought how much my teachers have always said how much of a genius Shakespeare was. The text was beautiful gibberish. I knew in a sense it was beautiful and profound, it was just above my head. It wasn't until I made some headway on the character, and not really until I got on stage, that I really started making sense of it all. It didn't hurt that my character is really dirty. Every other phrase out of Mercutio's mouth was a double entendre for "penis." Indeed, there were some words that had five different meanings, and Shakespeare purposely meant all of them!
It sounds corny and cliche, but doing this play really opened the door to Shakespeare for me. I can finally appreciate the nuances and meaning behind some of his works. A paragraph if Shakespear is worth pages of our modern English. Once I am finished with this play I will tackle some other works like Macbeth, or Merchant of Venice. I will just need some commentaries handy...

She'll not be hit

With Cupid’s arrow. She hath Dian's wit,
And in strong proof of chastity well-armed,
From Love’s weak childish bow she lives uncharmed.
She will not stay the siege of loving terms,
Nor bide th’ encounter of assailing eyes,
Nor ope her lap to saint-seducing gold.
O, she is rich in beauty – only poor
That when she dies, with beauty dies her store.

I am probably in the minority

when I say I hold John Williams as high as Mozart, Bach, or Beethoven. I understand that Williams does not have the genius of Mozart, the prolificacy of Bach, or the mastery of Beethoven, but he is more than just a soundtrack for movies. Many of his scores are able to stand on their own, which not many can. Even though he does borrow from many other composers (like the ones mentioned above), he does freely admit this, and more importantly, he knows good music, so he knows when it is good to borrow and use it. Some of his works can send me to the same place where Chopin's nocturne can, where my dreams seem to melt away. Others can excite me as much as Beethoven's 9th Symphony. I do realize that his works are not technically as inspired as some of the greats, but at the end of the day, music should transport you to a different place. Sometimes it is peaceful, or frightening, or simply transcendental. Williams' music does this for me. That is enough for me.

Failure and Self-Worth

A girl in my class is struggling a bit with the class. She is actually not doing bad, but like many students, she gets frustrated when it takes a while to get something. She wrote one the class blog that she tries, but still doesn't get some things in class. Wrote her back that there is a very negative connotation with failing. Especially in schools. I can't tell you the number of times I have failed a math test, did bad on a homework assignment, or even bombed a lesson (yes I know when my teaching is bad, because I reflect daily on it). Yes, I am frustrated when this happens, but if I gave up, I certainly would not be where I am. The point is not how many times you fall of the horse; the point is how many times you get back on.
I also told her that how you do in school does not tell you your self-worth. Yes, school is important, and yes math is an important skill to have, because they will help you find something you like to do for a living. However, how you treat people, and your service to them, and to Him, shape the person you are. That is more important than any grade.

Keep on beginning and failing. Each time you fail, start all over again, and you will grow stronger until you have accomplished a purpose - not the one you began with perhaps, but one you'll be glad to remember.
Anne Sullivan

This got me thinking about my own perception of self-worth. I too focus on what defines me as a person on things that don't really matter. My salary, my clothes, my car, my other possessions, even my devotion to work do not give me my self worth. Sure, I take pride in my job, because I do feel like it's more than a job, but I can take too much pride in the amount of work I put into it. I am not special because I am a teacher. I am blessed to be a teacher. It is truly a privilege to do what I do, and I thank God everyday for it. But I still focus too much on trivial things. All of the seemingly "important" things in my life are meaningless. They are all vanities. I am reminded of Ecclesiastes that states all of this. The truly important things in my life are the ones I did not work for. I have loving parents, loving friends, and a loving God. It is all so simple and I make it so complicated. God's beautiful world is too big for us. We were made for eternity, so the things of this world cannot satisfy us. Thank you, Father, for sending questions for me to ponder that ultimately bring me closer to you.

Ecclesiastes 3:11
He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.

Obama's Education Speech

Last Tuesday Obama gave an educational speech directly to America's schoolchildren. What should have been a simple address about education turned out to be a very controversial and headache-inducing ordeal. My school for one would not even allow it to be shown without a parental signature. Since I teach in a very conservative, rural school, I figured there would be some parents calling in to complain. However, when I saw the stories of parents keeping their kids home from school, I was shocked. These were not the undereducated, deep-south parents you are used to seeing such extreme closed-mindedness from. These seemed to be highly educated, rational adults who still did not want their child to hear anything the president had to say. I could understand if this was a speech about how to pass the health reform bill thorough congress or any other item in his agenda. But this was about the importance of education and how students should continue some sort of higher education or training. This was hardly anything controversial. If people did disagree with the president's speech, they should pull their kids out and have them jump right into the workforce.
Perhaps the speech wasn't even the point. One mother interviewed said she did not have anything negative about the speech, but still pulled her kid out of school and instead spent the day discussing how Obama will ruin the health care system. What kind of message does this send to her child and all others? "Education isn't important, neither is figuring things out for yourself. Instead, believe whatever I tell you to believe because you can't possibly make up your mind on your own." I believe we should instill in our kids the values and principles that we want to pass on. However, it is an entirely different thing to not allow your child to experience what elected officials are saying. Whether they agree with it or not, it is important to know. We are afraid of indoctrination by our president, so we would rather indoctrinate ourselves with a more narrow-minded point of view. I think it is much more valuable to let them see the speech, and them DISCUSS it with them. What are these parents afraid of? Are they afraid the president will actually make a few points they can't argue against, or even worse, will he make a point that they agree with?
I am not saying that I agree with the president's policies. I think Obama's version of health care reform will drive us into more debt. I think his views of abortion are abhorrent. I think the reckless spending will hurt us more than any recession. But this does not mean any syllable that comes out of his mouth are evil and not to be listened to, especially on a subject like the importance of education. Let your kids watch the speech. Let them ask questions. Let them disagree, and make them know WHY they disagree. Do they not like his policies because mom and dad don't like them, or have they done the research and figured it out for themselves? What good is believing in something if you are unable to give intelligent responses? Let your kids watch, and ask them "What do you think?"

Big Sky Country

I had the chance to go with my friend and his family to Montana and Glacier National Park. It was amazing. Everything I love about nature was wrapped up in this trip. It seemed everywhere I looked, I was looking at a National Geographic Magazine cover. We spent the days hiking, taking pictures, kayaking, and hiking some more. It was a very fun an relaxing way to spend some time before the chaos of the school year starts. I had never gotten a chance to hike in the Rocky Mountains, and the views were spectacular. The constant beauty that surrounded me in Glacier National Park was surreal, but even that after a while was taken for granted. After we got to one summit, we would look at the expanse of trees and rock and ice and be like "Oh look, another breathtaking mountain scape." You begin to forget the splendor in front of you is more than a Discovery Channel program or a computer wallpaper. But being there was wonderful. I was constantly reminded of the care God has taken on this planet. Yes, there is evidence of time and pressure, wind and rain, death and growth, but there was an overwhelming sense that there is an architect as well. I had some discussions with my friend how anyone can see this and think it was nothing but serendipity or happenstance. Whatever one thinks, one has to agree that this country has unbelievable beauty.

Project Lead the Way

After two weeks and 80 hours of class time at Purdue University, Kokomo, I am a certified Project Lead The Way (PLTW) teacher. It was a lot of work, but it was a lot of fun too, and I am very excited to be able to teach this. It is neat to think in my second year of teaching I will be bringing a class to Norwell (and all of Wells County) that has never been taught before. This is really exciting , but I have a lot of responsibility to make it a successful program. Civil Engineering and Architecture is something that interested me even before the class, and I am glad I get to share it with a group of young men and (hopefully) women.
Going off of that One of my goals for the class is to increase female interest. Engineering is a very male dominated field, and I think some very smart, capable, and creative girls shy away from the classes because they're are 95% boys sitting in there. To do this, I would like to really show off the females in the classroom and the work they do in class. Ideally I would like to have a day to go over the the middle school and show off the students work, but specifically the girls' work. I would also like to get some actual female engineers and have them talk to class.
I love being a teacher, especially with the changing world of learning and technology we are in. I have the privilege of not only presenting the world to my students, but also direct them in shaping the world we live in. Engineering is just one of those areas. Yes I teach it, but they will also get the chance to define it for themselves, and eventually the world. Yes, there are more men in the area than women, but do we have to accept that?
Can't wait for the next semester!

U.S. ARMY Tour

Last week I had the opportunity to visit Fort Leonard Wood in Missouri. I spend a few days touring the fort, observing basic training, and learning about the opportunities that the US Army had to offer. I thought I would be constantly barraged with pleas to get my students to sign up, but it wasn't. Instead I was treated to a very even-handed portrayal of the Army and what it takes. The best part was getting to talk to new recruits in the middle of basic training. Whatever propaganda the Army could feed us, these kids would not lie. I did not see a bunch of low-life, dumb kids whose only option was the military because they couldn't get into college. Instead, I saw bright, motivated young kids they found a new sense of confidence and pride. I learned that the Army offers some real training besides combat. I learned that the Army Corps of Engineers has many high standards that translate directly into the job field. I also learned that the Army is not for everyone. However, for the few it is right for, they should not be ashamed because it truly does offer some opportunities they will not find anywhere else.

One Year Down

I have finished my first year of teaching. It has taken me awhile to get to this point. As I look back on the past year, I have had many joys and some disappointments. I love the school I am at. The kids are great (most of them), the staff is open and professional, and hardly anyone has that attitude that education has sucked their soul out. Perhaps I just can't see it, but this bodes well for me, as I am just getting started. I have found that I have the same passion and love for these kids as I did when I first wanted to be a teacher in high school. I call them kids, even though I have heard you are not supposed to (they are young adults, and should be treated as such). I think this is true, but they are also kids, and they will not be kids for very much longer. It seems there is a timer on being silly and goofy and immature, and once they hit young adulthood, it is time to put them away forever. I think we should cherish these times that they are silly, as great spirit and zeal can come from such carefreeness (darn it I'm a math teacher, not an English teacher!). My job is not simply to produce responsible adults that know the Pythagorean Theorem. I think my job is to inspire young people to search for what makes them happy, to set them up for situation where they learn about the world and themselves. Sometimes they will discover their talents, and sometimes they will discover their limitations. Yes, they will learn math. Yes, they will grow in maturity and knowledge. That will come in the curriculum, patience, and rigor that I provide for them (hopefully).

I have read a lot of school mission statements. They are all different, yet they are all the same. One thing that I have noticed in all of them: not one of them says anything about state standards, proficiency in reading and math, or meeting AYP. While all of these things are very important (some more than others), they are not the focus of the mission statements. They leave out all of the things that schools work so hard on from day to day. Instead, they all say something about producing citizens that serve their community, that are lifelong learners, and that have a passion for helping people. If the mission statement serves as a focal point to base all other standards on, I wonder how much we keep this in mind as we design our improvement plans and our standards. To be fair, the mission statements are much to broad and vague on how to produce these results, and we certainly have enough pressure from the state and federal governments to turn out results in the areas they think are important. Now I am not saying that what they think are important is not worthwhile. I am saying that I think it is also important to step back once in a while and ponder why we are here in the first place, and what our place is in this grand world. As a teacher, I am on the front lines, so to speak, and I have the privilege to interact with these amazing young people everyday. I don't have to worry about AYP or standardized tests the way an administrator does, despite what kind of pressure I could be under as far as my job is concerned. The way I view it, I will do my job the best that I can, and whatever happens happens. I am not an administrator (not in my immediate future, anyway), and I get to focus on being a good teacher and a lighthouse for these students in some rather turbulent waters (to borrow from a past teacher of mine). In that respect I have the best job in the entire world, and I thank God everyday for this privilege--and it is a privilege--of providing for these kids something, however small, they can take with them to be better people.

Now that I've got that out, some things I specifically want to reflect on about this year. I think I was pleasantly surprised with the students from the get go. Coming from the schools I have been in, if I go through a lesson, give them some work and ask them to work on it, and they actually do it, I am blown away. I have been particularly pleased with the attitudes of many of these kids, because I know math is not many people's cup of tea. Indeed, it is not really mine, as I have a natural tendency to read about history or act in a play. But I see a great deal of use for math, and I have learned to be good at it, and even find great joy in it. I have found that many of the kids liked me, that they were generally happy in the class, and they were actually learning. Many said they had never understood certain aspects in math until they got in my class. I can't take credit for all of this, as people naturally form connections the older and more experienced they get. In my senior year of college, I started to grasp things in a way I had not my entire college career. I was forming connections to things I had learned my freshman year, and my world was opened up and I saw math in new ways that made me excited. I do not think it's coincidence that I had a good professor and an interesting class (number theory with Dr. Mascioni). However, if it hadn't been for all of the professors and classes before, I would not have been able to draw those conclusions. I am happy to say, several students have excelled in my math class where they had not in any other math class. I love learning about them on a personal level, we have a lot of time to diverge and get off topic, and we have a lot of opportunity to work together.

I wish every single one of my students were like this, but it seems for everyone I had that was bright and engaging, was another who seemed to try to not learn. There was one girl who, although nice, spent more energy trying to appear to work when in fact she was not. I am convinced if she spent half as much energy actually working than simply trying to fool me, she would have passed the class. I am not good at reaching all of the students. There were many who did their work, tried in class, but do to my own failings as a teacher, I was not able to get through to them. In many cases fractured home lives accompanied trouble in school. I even had to appear in court for one student, although I never got to testify. Because of these things, I know there are many things I can improve on. I have a tendency to chat up my students too much. This in it of itself is not bad, as it contributes to my teaching style and the way I structure further classes, since I try to make things student-centered. However, it leads to a more chatty atmosphere that is not conducive to learning. I do not mind a little chatter, but I feel my excess student engagement was telling my students it was alright to talk without working. I have also been too lenient about comments in general. I encourage comments, even if they are off topic, so long as they are appropriate and I am able to get the class back on track quickly. This I feel keeps class interesting and some students paying attention. I think it was taken a little too far at points and became a distraction. I need to get a better feel for the class and when it is ok to let comments happen, and when they absolutely must pay attention, as some students can not handle any distractions. I also feel I have cross the line sometimes of being professional. I am a very laid back teacher, and most of the time this contributes to an open classroom where anyone can ask a question without feeling embarrassed. Many of my students walk all over me, which is ok because I tease them right back. Sometimes this goes too far as well and I must realize that I am their teacher, not exclusively their friend. This segues to my most important reflection. I wish to be a strong Christian influence on them. Although I cannot preach the gospel directly in a public school, I can show them the gospel in the way that I treat them. I feel this has been my greatest shortcoming this year as a new teacher. In my attempt to be real, relevant, and interesting, I have forgotten what it mens to be a good role model. Not that I have been teaching them to do wrong, but I have neglected to make this a priority in the way I teach and interact with them, which I think should be the most important thing I could bring to them.

I know my lessons will get better, I know my teaching strategies will improve with experience. This is why I have chosen not to address these issues here. I go through my silent reflections everyday, in every lesson, with every interaction, and because of this, I know the math teacher will improve. However, I reflect on these issues because I not only want to be a great math teacher, I want to be a great teacher, in every sense, and to see them grow into adults who love life and God.

A Few Weeks Ago

I was talking to a friend about predestination. I know what my views are on the subject, however I don't feel like I can fully wrap my head around it. If God truly wants to save everyone, why do some people never accept Jesus? If the Holy Spirit comes to everyone, how can we deny it? 2 Peter 3:9 says, The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance."God seems genuinely sincere about saving everyone, but not everyone comes to repentance. To the Calvinists really have it right with their 'double predestination?' Why would God allow anyone to fall away when he did all the work to die for them? But God did not say all reach repentance, just that He desires so.This is where free will comes in. We can chose to deny Christ and His works. We have the power to reject the free gift of grace won for us. But do we have absolute free will? Can we chose both good and evil and chose to take up our cross for Jesus? This is where I seem to differ on most of my friends on the subject. I have the desire for good but not the capacity. I have the will but not the means. Why is this? I inhabit a fallen body. I have limitations within me so that I cannot please God on my own. Paul puts it best in Romans 7 when he says, and I paraphrase, "The good I want to do, I don't do, but the bad stuff I don't want to do, is what I do!" Oh wretched man that I am! I cannot choose good because I have sin infused in me. 1 Corinthians 13 says that no one can come to Jesus and call Him Lord except in the Holy Spirit. Again I ask "Who will save me from this body of death?!"
I don't think anyone has not been in Paul's shoes as he shares his frustration in his epistle to the Romans. If he ended this with this question, we would be in a lot of trouble! But he doesn't end with "who will save me from this body of death?" He answers, "Thanks be to God, though Jesus Christ our Lord!" We are made alive in Christ, so it is not our sin that lives in us, it is Jesus.
But this still leaves the question of what we do or what we do to save ourselves. How can we reject but not accept? How can we sin but not please God? An analogy was told to me by a pastor once. Even though all analogies break down at some point, this I think is a pretty good view of it.

We are in a sea of unbelief. Anyone that enters this sea is dead, for it is a sea of sin. We are all in the sea, therefore we are all dead. What can a dead person do to save themselves? Nothing. Not far away, Jesus is at the shore, where there is salvation. Jesus can call us and invite us to join Him. But what is the problem? Jesus could grab a lifesaver and throw it to us, but what is the problem? Jesus could even get in a boat, row out to us, come right next to us and reach out his hand to us, saying "Come with me, child, I will save you." But what is the problem? We are dead. We cannot move, not even to grab the outstretch arm of our savior. If that was all Jesus would do, no one would be saved. But He doesn't do this. Instead, He grabs, brings us into the boat, resuscitates us, and brings us back to life. He then rows the boat back to shore. Can we say that we come 50% and Jesus comes 50%? Can we even say that we come 1%? No. Jesus comes 100%, and it is the only way it could work, for He is the only blameless lamb that could have possibly atoned for my sins. I know that if the ball was in my court, even for a moment, I would mess it up. Certainly once I am alive in the boat I can choose to jump back out into the waters of sin and death. I have that choice, and it is the only choice that I can make. If I choose to jump out, the Holy Spirit will still grab me and put me back in the boat. He wants me to stay with Him to the shores of salvation. So I have died to sin and been saved from this body of death through the saving grace of Christ. Thanks be to God!

A New Direction

I got official word from my principal and superintendent that I will in fact be staying at Norwell for another year. I will be picking up Civil Engineering and Architecture, a Project Lead the Way class. This means I will be spending two weeks at Purdue University this summer taking a class to get certified to teach it. The more I learn about PLTW, the more it seems in tune with not only my thoughts on teaching, but also statewide initiatives and national trends. There was an article in the Indianapolis Star about high-tech schools that Gov. Mitch Daniels is pushing for. This I believe is perfect for what PLTW could bring to schools. I want to push these ideas beyond what PLTW and even the state is doing, and I want to be at the forefront of where this change is happening. I want to be a mover and shaker in education, not just teach what is mandated to be. I want to change the way we view education, get kids excited by learning again, and help reshape the system. I truly believe I am where it's happening. I just need to find ways in and educate myself. Below is a video about PLTW. Even though it is not Indiana, I feel the same applies.

The Future of Education

Ever since I started my college career in math education, I have probably been told literally a hundred times that I will have lots of job security and it will be easy finding a job. Now I am in danger of getting laid off after my first year of teaching. Several years ago I knew this was coming when I watched the news and saw a black cloud that was going to sweep the value of education under the rug: the economy. Like everything else, education is being effected by budget cuts, layoffs, and reduced funding for increasingly important programs. I have seen it in my own school. We have a roof in desperate need of repair, classrooms are too loud due to outdated heating units and inadequate, temporary walls, and technology is hard to find in the average classroom, except in the hand of individual students with cell phones and iPod touches (which the school tries so hard to get out of the classroom). Indeed, the biggest piece of technology I have regular access to is an overhead projector, which is used for little more than projecting daily problems and grids to practice graphing. Education Secretary Arne Duncan has voiced his opinions about education, and while I am not a huge fan of him (he has as much education as I do and has never been a teacher), he does make some good points. He talks about where we should take education, and a few ways we could achieve this. At this time he is sparse on the details, which leads me to think he is just another idealist wanting a major reform in education that will never happen. Indeed, he has talked about getting more math and science teachers in the classroom. Leaders in education have been saying that for years, and yet I am probably going to be laid off from a school being a math teacher. He talks about longer school years, improving technology in the classroom, and providing incentives for effective teachers. Where are we going to get the funding for this? Furthermore, how do we tell whether a teacher is "effective." I completely agree that good teachers should be rewarded, and bad teachers should find another line of work, but if this decision of effectiveness is based on test scores like the flawed NCLB, then we will be unfairly setting good teachers up for failure. If all a "good" teacher has to do is teach classes where students are already willing, capable, and motivated, who will teach the students who desperately need the good teachers? I fear this will lead to the fall of taking on difficult classes the same way a doctor will not take a risky case for fear of lowering his or her rating. If we are to reform education, we must take a look at other countries where education is working, fin out why it is working, and find out how we can make it work here. I know I am biased, but it really does start with the state of education. If we don't improve our schools, and bring them into the 21st century, how can we expect tomorrow's leaders to fix today's and tomorrow problems. I guarantee that this will not fix itself, and that we must have a better place for education in this country if we expect any of this to get better.

Learning 2.0: A Colorado Conversation

This morning I attended a conference on education at Heritage High School in Littleton, Colorado. I went in my pajamas, and I didn't shower for the event either. In fact, I never left my bedroom. I guess I am still getter over this web conferencing thing. It was a great experience because I got to collaborate with educators and others from all over the country (CO, PA, VA, SC, etc.) and the world, with one person talking to us from Australia. I attended two sessions: Classroom 2.0, learning about, well, learning 2.0, and how we can use it effectively in the classroom, and How to Teach a Remix Generation, which dealt with how we can foster responsible learning in a time when anybody can take and edit information.

Classroom 2.0
What types of interactive, internet-based applications/tools are you using to positively impact student achievement?
I use an online quiz generator through the Indiana Department of Education website called High Achiever to better prepare my students for the End of Course Assessment. It works some, although it has its bugs. I also have my students use Geometer's Sketchpad to investigate geometric properties of topics learned in class. However I do not think this is enough for my students. How are they creating new things and sharing them to others in a way that fosters collaboration? I feel like I need to catch up myself on this 2.0 thing, as my knowledge of what is available. I want to create an environment where students can apply and share what they know in a way that is real and helpful, not just simulated, like webquests (as much as I like them, they are kinda artificial and too linear). I want to explore blogging and web-publishing as a way of sharing new information.



How to Teach a Remix Generation

What am I doing to promote healthy and responsible web practices while at the same time not restricting information sharing and remixing?
This session was interesting because there is so much information out their, but so much of it is reposted, remixed, and transformed into new information without the original poster knowing. Information nowadays is so transient and current that it is essential that people take it and update it. Wikipedia for example is a great and dangerous resource because it is so current yet anybody can update/change/delete/improve/vandalize the content. Copyright laws have not been able to keep up with the speed of change, and as a result, there has been an ever growing "grey area" as far as what is plagiarism, and what is taking and improving.


As far as what I am doing to promote this, not much at the moment. I think that giving students a chance to create their own original content will allow them to take ownership and responsibility for their creations. Seeing this, they can see how important it is to be responsible when taking others' creations. At the same time, they should take others' creations, use it, reflect on it, and make it better. This is what learning 2.0 is to me.


I have much more to reflect on. I am ver excited about the dialogue I had today with the people.

Let's try this out.

I've never kept a diary or journal. I am not one to write down my thoughts because I feel I am neither a deep thinker nor a talented writer, and frankly I don't think I have much interesting to say. I guess I will sell out and say I did it because "everyone else is doing it."

I do wish to get a few things out of my archived musings. First, as a first year teacher I am learning more than in all four years in college. It will be interesting to see how my attitudes about teaching, math, and education change over time. Second, if I am going to be the best teacher I can be, I will need to reflect on my strategies. It was forced upon me in student teaching, and though I hated it then, I know that it is the only thing keeping me from falling into complacency. I know many teachers who were decent teachers at one time, but because they are stuck in teaching 20 years ago, they are no longer effective educators. Third, I will be putting my other interests on this site as well. I have many interests and hobbies, and I am not sure what will come of many of them. I hope that putting my life down I can see who I am. Being able to step back and view a mapping of my life might enable me to draw some connections that will lead me to more interests and opportunities.

if I keep it up...